LONG WALK CHUGGER IN SHOCK DOPING CLAIM
After scrounging hundreds of pounds from friends and well-wishers, it has emerged that walker Jonathan Bromley, 64, may have begun using performance enhancing drugs. Chambermaid Tasha at the remote Samson Inn said “You couldn’t mistake it, pet. I’d know the smell of that stuff anywhere. His room reeked of it. The old boy was limping when he came in last night, but this morning he had a real spring in his step. It wasn’t natural.”
The drug in question is diclofenac, a painkiller so potent that it only came off prescription a few years ago. When we challenged 5’7″ Bromley with the evidence today he was defiant, retorting “What’s wrong with a smear of Voltarol gel on the ankles and knees? You can get it over the counter in Londis. I’ve done nothing wrong. I was advised to use it for my sore feet.”
Our campaign against drug-pumped charity spongers continues. Meanwhile our sources tell us that Bromley may also have been using unethical anti-blister pads to allow his cash-grabbing activities to go on longer, and has used a Senior Railcard to grab cut-price travel at the expense of hard-working taxpayers.